This week is Infertility Awareness Week. I didn't know that until Monday morning. Sunday I was looking through my pictures for a picture of Luke and came across this picture. This is my Mom Mom Betty and the first time she got to hold Luke. Can you see the smile on her face?
I grew up extremely close to my grandparents. They were like a second set of parents and of course I loved being with them. I'm extremely grateful that I was able to have both of them in my life for 35 years. They passed 7 months apart in 2019-2020 and I miss them tremendously. I feel as though finding this picture was a sign from her that I needed to share this story for anyone who is battling infertility and feels completely alone and like there is no hope left.
I was told at 15 I would probably never have children and I was devastated. I wanted to be a mom more than anything. I don't know how but I miraculously had my oldest son in 2006 without any fertility treatments. I dealt with an enormous amount of pain up until that point and after due to my endometriosis. I had a ton of surgeries and had recommendations that I should have a hysterectomy but I just couldn't do it. I couldn't give up. I wanted another baby and I know to everyone that loved me that was hard to watch, especially my Mom Mom. She made it very clear that I should have the surgery. Why would I keep putting myself through all the pain and everything else that came along with my endo?
I would always tell her she didn't understand. She didn't have any health issues and she didn't have any trouble conceiving her children. I knew she just wanted me to be happy and healthy but in my heart I couldn't give up yet. When I got married we went to Shady Grove Fertility and meet Dr. McKeeby. He was wonderful but made it very clear that the longer we waited the harder it would be to have a baby. I got pregnant from treatments and I told Mom Mom. She was so excited that she was going to have a new baby to love and telling her 9 weeks later that we lost that baby was awful.
She again said I just needed to give up. I couldn't do it so we did treatments again and I got pregnant. We waited to tell everyone because I didn't want to break everyone's heart again. When Luke was born she came to see him in the NICU and was so in love with him.
The first time she got to hold him which is in this picture she couldn't stop smiling and I remember saying to her "This is why I didn't give up." The smile on her face was priceless to see and I knew she was glad I didn't give up.
Luke was the only thing that brought a smile to her and my Pop Pops faces in their last days and I will forever cherish those memories.
I know sometimes it feels like the journey will never end. You feel alone and helpless. You want to be like everyone else and have a family. All you have to do is look at this picture and see there is hope. Don't ever give up until you have no other options.
Thankfully I was stubborn just like my Mom Mom and now I have my perfect miracle rainbow baby. I feel like it was a sign from her to share this story with anyone else going through their infertility journey. I miss them more than I could ever explain but I am thankful I have these pictures so my boys will always know how much they were loved.