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Healing Process

I am a member and an Ambassador for the Endometriosis Association so we get emails from them about things we can do to raise awareness. Since we are in the middle of a pandemic, we cant have huge gatherings or fundraisers to help spread education and awareness about a disease that affects so many women. We received an email saying that another member had sent a letter to the doctor who misdiagnosed/ dismissed her and explained to the doctor what she had actually been experiencing all of those years. The woman said it had helped her a lot in her healing process and to help her move on from that point in her life.

One of the best things we can do to help spread awareness is educate doctors and other medical professionals about this horrible disease that unfortunately nobody talks about. It says in the email to inform the doctor and to not use anger in your letter. I don't know that I can do that. It has been 20 years and I still could not sit down and write a letter to the doctor who dismissed me for all those years.

I have spent a lot of time thinking about this. Probably way too much time thinking about it. How am I supposed to not be angry at a woman, yes woman, that destroyed more than 5 years of my life. I suffered from severe depression, I hated my parents, I missed significant time with family and friends and I felt so incredibly alone. This woman literally said my pain was from my "jeans being to tight". What if she would have listened? What if she had done research? Would my outcome be different? Would my life be different? Would I have had so many problems with infertility? Would I have lost my sweet angel baby? Would I have been able to have more children? Would I have not had to have over 12 surgeries or spend half of my life at the doctor? Could I be a hands on mom 100% of the time? Would I have not missed out on so many important events in my family and friends lives?

Maybe it would all have been the same. Maybe the outcome would be exactly as it is now but I will never know that. I know that at some point I must forgive her and move on but I cant do that yet. I am not ready to let her off the hook for everything that happened in my life those 5 years and how it affected my life, even now.

I think if you are ready this is a great idea because we do need to keep educating as many people as possible about endo but if you aren't there yet its ok. Its ok to be angry, hurt, upset and confused. We have all been through so much in this journey and I will always wonder if that first doctor who dismissed me would have actually listened, would my life be different. If you feel you are ready reach out and send a letter to educate the ones who didn't listen to what you had to say. Hopefully it will help you in your healing process but I'm just not there yet and that's ok too.

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